10 Things About Being a Marauder
by Lily EvansPotterBlack
Summary: At least three brothers for life...expect a punch in the face...because Messrs Padfoot and Prongs are, in fact, idiots ... should ALWAYS trust another Marauder's word ... And called Bambi. A lot.


Inspired by the poem from _10 Things I hate About You_ even if the similarites are sketchy at best.

10 Things About Being a Marauder

1. _Everything_ Marauder stays within the Marauders. That means the map, the animagus transformations, the two way note coms and the mirrors, the auto answer quills, smartening ink and recording parchment, etcetera, etcetera. This is INCLUDING our plans and our pranks, Mr. Moony's "furry little problem", Mr. Padfoot's home life (Who's family's more obsessed with blood than most vampires), Mr. Wormtail's paternal parent and that, terrifyingly, Mr. Prongs's paternal parent and Mr. Padfoot's Arithmancy Professor are on in the same. The breeching of any of these rules will NOT be tolerated. The loyalty of the Marauders goes above the loyalty to Gryffindor House - which means that Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs MUST get detention and lose House Points before giving up the secrets of the Marauders.

2. Never, ever EVER under ANY circumstances is it acceptable to call Mr. Padfoot ... _Siri._ He is a Marauder, and thus not a girl, crossgen slash pairing or complete pansy, unlike you. If any one of the Messrs Moony, Wormtail and Prongs should break this rule they should expect either a punch to the face or a kick in the balls. They do not get to choose which.

3. Eating Mr. Prongs's chocolate (OR his ginger newts, OR his liquorice wands, OR his jelly slugs OR basically _anything_ in his sweet tin) without express permission from Mr. Prongs himself is treated with the same consequence as taking his invisibility cloak from his trunk WITHOUT, ASKING, HIM, FIRST.

4. Mr. Moony's journal has a muggle padlock, extensive charms applied upon it and is located inside his big, hairy, scary poisonous spider's tank _for a reason_. Although Mr. Moony accepts that attempts will be made because Messrs Padfoot and Prongs are, in fact, idiots, any move to pass around its content or read the journal in full will result in Mr. Moony shooting his mouth off to the offender's of the time girlfriend (Or boyfriend) or the closest thing to the description of. And hair pulling. Lots and lots of hair pulling.

5. The intimate knowledge Mr. Wormtail seems to have of the language of flowers, Shakespearian poetry and skill for cookery does_ not _in any way insinuate that he is gay, and is not to be (seriously) made fun of. Instead, it is to be exploited in getting girls and lulling Snivelly and any and all in the House of Snivellus into a false sense of security (This may work for girls too. Though Lily Evans is a suspicious bint not matter how red her hair or lovely her tits).

6. Messrs Moony and Wormtail must attend EVERY match and team practice Messrs Padfoot and/or Prongs take part in as Chaser and Chaser or Chaser and reserve Seeker no matter how early, late, cold, hot, wet, windy or snowy it is, and even if they have detention. The same applies to Mr. Padfoot, the ruddy bastard.

7. Mr. Prongs should refrain from being am UNLOYAL, SNAKEY BASTARD and keep his half of his and Mr. Padfoot's two way mirror's at _all _ times instead of fantasying about sucking face with Evans, as the horny git is prone to doing. Instead, he _should_ be talking to Mr. Padfoot so Mr. Padfoot doesn't get bored absolutely "Listening to my mother screech, and screech, and screech ... " _stiff_ when they're in separate detentions.

8. A Marauder should ALWAYS trust another Marauder's word against an outsider - especially girls. Because, girls lie (And if that girl is Evans they hex a mean hex as well). Besides, if you're a Marauder you can get any girl _if_ you have the combined force of the Marauders behind you. (**And its not as if we're brothers by blood so it wouldn't be** **at _all_ immoral to bugger Evans, and fuck me instead. How about it, Bambi baby? - Mr. Padfoot**)

9. Since he is a Marauder - and thus stuck with at least three brothers for life - Mr. Prongs must never again say he is an only child, nor Mr. Padfoot say his only family is Andi, Nymph - I - adore - her and The Twerp. Also, as the eldest (**By less than a month so don't get Prongs-cocky, just yet - Mr. Padfoot**), Mr. Moony is entitled to not being pestered while doing schoolwork and is allowed to nag Messrs Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs about being too mean to Snivellus Snape and other less snivelling outsiders (Although wheedling backtalk can and should be expected). However, Mr. Moony _will_ be subjected to mocking because of his protective, studious air and if caught smoking by Mr. Prongs at ANY time other than the day _directly_ after the Full Mr. Moony's namesake, Mr. Moony's cancer sticks will be transfigured, without complaint, into colourful tropical fish. As the baby of the Marauders Mr. Prongs is to be indulged in his showing off and protected/backed up when Snape tries something underhanded, BUT so he doesn't get TOO big-headed Mr. Prongs is also to be poked fun at and routinely tackled, sat on and tickled mercilessly by Messrs Moony, Wormtail and Padfoot (But mainly Mr. Padfoot in both his two legged and four legged personas as he's a very tactile person). Especially in front of Evans. And called Bambi. A lot.

And . . . _FINE - NUH - LEE_ -

10. If an outsider should hex, curse, bewitch, befuddle, trap, kick, punch, slap (Snivellus), trip up, badmouth, threaten, blackmail, humiliate, call names, steal from, ridicule, prank or otherwise hurt or make a fool of a fellow marauder then ALL three other (or two others, or remaining) marauders should retaliate in a kind befitting the crime as soon as is maurderingly possible. No excuses, no exceptions. (That means you, Evans!)

Drawn up by Mr. Padfoot, overseen by Mr. Prongs, moderated by Mr. Moony and dictated to Mr. Wormtail until Mr. Padfoot got pissy and snatched it of said Mr. Wormtail on April 10th, 1974 of Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs's (Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers) third year, upon the creation of the Marauders.

**Signed: James Nicolos Christophoros "Mr. Prongs" Potter, Sirius Jupiter "Mr. Padfoot" Black, Remus John "Mr. Moony" Lupin and Peter Howard "Mr. Wormtail" Pettigrew aka The Marauders.**

_Amended January 2nd, 1976 of the Marauders' fifth year by Mr. Padfoot to include Mr. Padfoot's view on family and the numerous references to Miss. Lily Evans, because not only does Mr. Prongs want to get into Miss. Lily Evans' pants for a record number of time ... he actually deems to like her. Messrs Moony Wormtail and, the most important Marauder of all, Mr. Padfoot are all flummoxed and expect it to be a short-lived infatuation._


End file.
